5th-emendmentIttahb was a devote Muslim boy. He used to live in the far north parts of the Caliphate, just beneath the star that doesn’t move. One day the Perestroika Gnomes decided they needed something to write about, so they started looking for low-hanging fruit, they could write about, to fabricate their fear and hate stories, such that their wallets could grow fat again.

You see, the Perestroika Gnomes was responsible for all the toilet paper in Hell, and to produce this, every now and then, they had to find some poor innocent soul, whom they could crucify, to make sure the Vicious demons living in Hell, had paper to wipe their behinds, such that they could feel as if they were white.

When the Perestroika Gnomes had found their target, they were a particular nasty breed of demons. They thought they had the rights to write and publish anything they wished, and when they were faced with the consequences of their own words, they would march into the streets shouting; “Perestroika” or “Jesus Charlie”, and other magic spells, intended to let them keep their powers to themselves, while enslaving God away from all the others!

The Perestroika Gnomes started writing about Ittahb, and they cast their spells, and wrote about Ittahb so much, that finally Ittahb broke, and started believing their lies. This is the nature of a Lie you see. If you only repeat a lie many times, it will become what people believe. When the commoners had started believing the lies of the Perestroika Gnomes, the caretakers of Hell started moving in. Anxious to increase their own undertaker payments, they too needed an accidental terrorist, to please their disgruntled masses, and take away the focus from the real criminals.

This is the nature of the caretakers of Hell, the more they can have the commoners believe in that others are the source of sin, the more they can sin for themselves, without risking the consequences of their own sins. So also the caretakers from Hell was happy for having found a “terrorist”.

When both the Perestroika Gnomes, and the caretakers of Hell, had repeated to Ittahb that he was a terrorist, so many times, that even Ittahb himself had become confused, Ittahb finally “snapped”! Most normal boys will “snap”, if you just lie to them, to the point where they believe the lies themselves. Ittahb had started believing himself, that he was a terrorist. Even this was far from the Truth, Ittahb himself started believing it, because the lie had been repeated so many times, that even in Ittahb’s head, it was impossible to separate the Truth from Fiction. It was during these times that Ittahb left for Syringe …

Syringe was a terrible place back then, filled with dangerous demons, trying to make Hell freeze over. That’s why they called themselves “ICE”. If I may come with one advice, then stay as long away from Syringe as you can! Syringe is a terrible place, filled with anger and hate!

Into this World, Ittahb had been thrown, trying to find Friends, realizing his own country had condemned him through evil lies, intended to sell more toilet paper for the Perestroika Gnomes, and increase the undertaker payment of the caretakers of Hell.

When Ittahb made it to Syringe, he wanted to send a letter to his daughter, so he used the “MeMeBook”, which allowed people to send postcards, very very fast, from distant places on the Earth. Of course, what most people didn’t know, was that the Hell Hounds would read these postcards, and exploit what had been sent over the MeMeBook, to further destroy a poor man’s Soul, by fabricating even more lies.

This is why Prophet Muhammed, PBUH, said that nobody are allowed to depict that which is in Heaven, since it will make them temporary go to Hell! Therefor I say unto thee, do never show that which is in Heaven, neither on the MeMeBook, nor YouTube, because this is the Path to Hell for both you, and the Prophet, PBUH!

This is also the reason why you won’t find more than One single picture of my face on the Interweb!

However, on the picture Ittahb had sent to his daughter, he was wearing a sword. In the country beneath the Star that never moves, wearing a sword was considered evidence of that one was a terrorist, so Ittahb had fallen for their tricks.

How the Magical Squirrels saved Ittahb

magic-squirrelsWhat all these demons did not know however, was that Allah, in his infinite Compassion and Grace, had placed Magical Squirrels in the land of Syringe! This was a loophole in the law of the demons! You see, the only way you could legally wear a sword, was if you used it to hunt squirrels, and Ittahb was indeed using his sword to hunt Squirrels, Magical Squirrels.

So Ittahb was never convicted of any crimes, since he could stick to the Truth! So the Magical Squirrels saved Ittahb’s life and soul from eternal damnation!

This Story shows why you should never tell a Child that he or she is “bad”, “evil”, “dumb” and so one. And this is why I have put it into the Laws of Sharia of the Northern Caliphate, that it is illegal by law, to use bad naming on your Brothers and Sisters!

Therefor I say; “Let him who calls to his brother or sister by bad names, be judged by Allah, to Jahannam for an Eternity!”

This is the Truth, the Half Truth, and Nothing but the Truth, except one Lie, so help me God! And if I have told more than One Lie, may Allah strike me dead to the Ground, and drive me into Jahannam, and condemn me for an eternity!

Allahu Akbar

Muhammed